Bully: Someone who feels the need to have control over someone else, and attains that control through physical force or threats, verbal teasing, or exclusion.
There are 4 main types of bullies:
-Physical: those who use physical force to control others. This may include kicking, hitting, or shoving.
-Verbal: Use words to harm, such as name-calling, racist comments, insulting, or harsh teasing.
-Relational: Focus on the exclusion of one person from a peer group
-Reactive: Those who both bully and get bullied. Usually they are victims first, and react in the way that they were treated.
Boys are more likely to engage in physical bullying, while girls usually resort to relational bullying. Boys engage in bullying more frequently than girls do. However, there is a trend among girls that is becoming more and more prevalent especially in middle schools, and that is cliques.
A clique is an exclusive group of people with a common purpose or interest. Qualifications for a membership of a clique may be social or essential to the nature of the clique. Cliques may exist in a workplace, a community, business, school, or really any area of social interaction. The majority of cliques are seen in school between children and teenagers. Some examples, among many, are the jocks, the theatre kids, the cheerleaders, the nerds, etc. Teens often find their parents to be a little out of touch with the times, thus gravitating them towards a clique, where they can fill emotional voids and gather advice and support. They give adolescents a feeling of belonging and acceptance, and a sense of connection that may help one cope through a tough time. It also provides a time to share common interests and beliefs along with confidence.
Along with all of these benefits of a clique, there are also many disadvantages. For example, if one is not accepted into the clique they wish to be a part of, it can lead them to feel rejected, sad, and alone. At times, cliques can cause such a bond between people within the group that everyone will follow one person. When this happens, some may do things they wouldn’t want to do. Tensions may also arise between cliques that don’t have the same interests. Taunting, teasing, excluding, and even acts of violence are known to have happened because of the differences found between groups. Girls in cliques usually tease others with verbal abuse, while boys tend to be physical. Because of these negative actions associated with being in a clique, they have become to be seen as more of a negative thing and more associated with bullying.
There are many instances when members of cliques take things too far, causing others to be extremely emotionally or physically hurt. For example, even though this movie took place in a high school, Mean Girls is a perfect demonstration of how an exclusive clique like the “Plastics” can cause so much damage due to their verbal abuse, exclusion of others, and, of course, the “Burn Book.” Another good example (although another high school example) demonstrating how cliques become problematic occurred in 1999 at Columbine High School, where members of a clique, the “Trench Coat Mafia,” were after jocks who wore white polos and baseball hats. In response, many of the jocks removed their clothing that identified with this in hopes of not getting hurt. It resulted in 15 high school students being killed, along with 2 of the Trench Coat Mafia members who started the whole thing. 24 were injured. This is an extreme case of discrimination and an example of how being part of a clique and having differences against another group can bring out the worst in some people. Below is a link to a video showing an interview of a boy who attended the school when this occurred and witnessed the whole thing happen.
Another example, now involving girls, that shows how cliques can result in nasty behavior involved 13 year old Karyssa Albrecht. She explained to a Seattle magazine how she would just walk in the hallways at school minding her own business, and yet be harassed by other girls. Karyssa shared that they would call her mean and inappropriate names. “The only way to explain these girls is just like, mean,” explains Karyssa. Since this 8th grader was not part of a certain group, she was called names and excluded from activities. Girls during this age (12-14) are trying to find themselves and figure out who they are. Their way of trying to fit in and look “cool” is to have their small group friends and treat others who aren’t up to their level unfairly. Karyssa states how girls don't settle their disputes one-on-one. They build alliances, which complicates and prolongs the disagreement. "With girls," Karyssa says, "they have to get their friends involved, and they have to get their friends involved." It is obvious how one such as Karyssa would feel like a victim in her middle school. The most popular girls, experts say, are those who most closely fit the stereotype of femininity -- just as the coolest guys fit the traditional masculine mold. The setup creates problems for both aggressor and victim.
Why are girls so mean these days? It’s a question so many of us have been asking for over a decade now. This spring at least three new books sound an alarm over mean-spirited cliques and their tools of oppression, from shunning and name-calling to rumor-mongering. The official term is "relational aggression.” The media plays another role in adolescent’s lives. They watch TV and notice how to be mean, and then take it upon themselves to do it to others at school. The media also portrays a certain way to look, and if kids at school don’t look this way, then they may be made fun of or excluded from a clique. There may also be some internal factors that are unknown to everyone else. For example, one might be under a lot of pressure, causing them to act out in school and finding that teasing others is the only way to let their anger out.
This following video goes to show how many people are offended by cliques, and how some people find them to be something to be celebrated. All in all, cliques can be either a very good and positive thing, or a very bad and damaging thing.
While for most people, the image of a typical bully may be a big, mean-looking boy, girls are also taking a part in this unfortunate trend. “The words are ‘relational aggression’ and they describe a certain type of sneaky bullying.” Says Kelly Burgess, of preteenagerstoday.com. Burgess goes on to say that these girl bullies can start as early as second grade, and are often the, for lack of a better word, “popular” girl in class. These bullies are often very feminine, which can even lead teachers and parents to disbelief that these girls could actually be bullies. Usually they travel in groups of two or more, and most of their bullying has to do with who’s “in” and who’s “out.”
But why do girls feel the need to bully? According to Mean Girl Cliques: What and Educator Must Know, “Middle school for girls is one of the most trying and intense periods of their entire lives. With hormones raging, concepts of self and the world drastically changing, and the need to belong and fit in entering the forefront of their lives this time is incredibly intense for young girls.” Also, the way that girls form and view friendships plays an important role in the epidemic of bullying. In early elementary school, girl’s friendships are based on basic personality traits, such as how nice someone is or how well they share. One late elementary school and middle school arrive, girls realize how much work a friendship can take. Also, unfortunately, the downside of friendships, which can consist of losing friends, dealing with rumors, and people finding other friends.
In order to stay away from the pressures of cliques, there are a few steps one can take. First, is to make sure to become friends with people for who they are, not what they are. Don’t try to get into a certain group to look “cool.” Be with those who bring out the best in you and there should be no problems. Another good idea is to try and be friends with everyone. It’s smart to try and have a wide variety of friends, because this way you show that you are no threat to anyone and just like to get along with everybody. Also, avoid doing things you don’t want to do. People may try to tell you to do something or join them in an activity you have no interest in. Stay strong and say no when you want to.
It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. Source: National Education Association.
American schools harbor approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims. Dan Olweus, National School Safety Center.
Nearly one-third of middle schoolers have been the object of sexual jokes, comments or gestures. Another 15 percent have been bullied or harassed because of their religion or race. National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
The effects of bullying can be long-lasting. By age 23, children who were bullied in middle school were more depressed and had lower self-esteem than their peers who had not been bullied. Dan Olweus, Univeristy of Bergen
Another type of bullying is cyberbullying. According to stopcyberbullying.org, cyberbullying is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. According to CBS News, at least 42% of students across America have been victims of cyberbullying. This number will only continue to rise since technology is becoming more and more a part of education and students’ lives. Check out this CBS News video for some more information.
